Finding Comfort in Loneliness – YOUR Ultimate Freedom

Time, it’s our most precious asset, unfortunately most people seem to completely not understand this concept, and wait until later in life to actually take heed from the lessons life keeps throwing them.

Life, it constantly gives us tests to overcome, learn and become better at being us. Most people throw around the phrase “Why me?”, What did I do to deserve this?”. As if they should somehow be immune to learning and growing.

Sure, I even used to be one of these people, but the one difference from me when I left the nest when compared to others, is I left to learn about life, to grow and to conquer. Whilst for a handful of years I did get comfortable enough to want to forget about the need to change, grow and move on, eventually life gave me a big enough kick in the ass that I literally had no other option. Literally, the very worst day of my life hit me at this point, and everything I thought I had created was destroyed in front of me.

When I go into detail now of that time, I recently had a friend point out that I smirk every time I tell the story of this horrible adventure, as if to say, I found something in that darkness that not many would have. And it’s true and extremely liberating that I found myself following these directional life changing events. From fluttering in rock bottom to finding a direction in life, you cannot literally ask for anything else.

In short, at that time, the person I’d convinced myself was my life partner had cheated on me… A second time! And was 100% definitely going to leave my life had caused me an epic meltdown, many bad things followed, including thoughts about life and if I still wanted to be part of it at all. Now I am just bewildered as to how I could have put all my own worth in somebody else’s want to be with me or not.

The good thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only place to really go is up, plus you have a solid foundation to spring off, should you choose to. At this stage my body was in the same condition as my confidence levels, horrible. So the first thing I started to do, was begin my journey to being comfortable with myself with the long term goal of one day loving myself.

My journey began in the gym, I was to become a bodybuilder and fulfil my childhood dream of becoming a muscle man. I was invited by a friend who was a bodybuilder at the time, and this instantly gave me purpose once more.

The only thing that made sense to me at this point was getting comfortable with myself and having the ability to be alone and that it was completely okay. I did okay for a little while, but with the fact that people often want what they can’t have, I had a girl work her way into my life. Which was great, I got to learn plenty of new things from a completely different perspective.

However, after that ended, I decided that I wanted to be single unless I found someone I felt worthy of my time. And at no point did I go searching, I spent many nights on my own, or at the gym, and not only did I survive, but I found something worth more than anything, my own confidence in me.

In this day and age, everybody wants everything now. I’ve heard so many people on Tinder looking for their life partners, and cracking the shits when all the other people want is sex. I’m sorry, but if you wanted something more serious, you should at least put yourself into something that’s going to have people with the same vision as you. Ie not online dating, and not the local pub. Both these places suggest that – yes you are using them for a good time and you are using them to get instant gratification.

Here is my checklist to help you understand if you are ready to even meet your life partner:

-You goto sleep at night on your own, without feeling lonely

-You wake up happily in the morning on your own

-You enjoy the activities you do without even thinking about anybody else

-You are happy within yourself

-You are completely stable financially and emotionally without anybody else to help you.

-You don’t sugar coat anything to anybody

If you can give a positive answer to all of the above, great, keep doing what you’re doing and be open to finding THE RIGHT PERSON. When you do meet the right person, keep it real. You don’t have to feel like you’re not good enough, if they’re genuinely the right person for you, you won’t have to try, it’ll happen naturally. Regardless, enjoy it whilst it is.

If you’re lacking with any of these dot points, you’ll never be able to fully develop these areas whilst seeing anybody. So do both your future life partner and yourself a solid favour, and get comfortable with you first. Learn to love YOU first, so that you will be able to show them the love they deserve, and vice versa.

I trust you’ve enjoyed reading this, however this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Mick OwarPost relationship coach

Mickowar, a man of many faces, yet all built on one genuine foundation. This story begins with a good kid, wanting to be the best he could be, leaving school as a blank slate, made the move from jock to wannabe muso, starting off in the hardest possible instrument to learn, the vocals. Slowly building the skills here that would set the foundations of many more to come.

After diving headfirst into the deep end of life, Mickowar quickly learnt many hard life lessons, particularly in the relationship and communications side of life, which eventually led into doing a hell of a lot of personal development. Following some big life changing events, Mick decided to start bodybuilding and years later, is walking down a similar path to his childhood hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger, by getting into acting in action movies. All this whilst running a few small but growing steadily business enterprises. Mick is here to help push humanity into a stronger, happier and less bloody offended future.

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